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Re: In the night
before I cam back but now should be 'came' I didn't notice any other major grammar issues. In terms of the general writing style I think it can come across ...
Jan 5, 2012 -
Re: Fog or Smoke
Hey, To be honest I thought that this piece didn't really go anywhere. Don't take this as too much of a criticism because it was well written and I wanted ...
Oct 6, 2011 -
Re: Now That's How You Make An Exit
It's well written and you get across character which is pretty much all you can do with only 500 words. I'll try and see if I can help you to ...
Oct 6, 2011 -
Re: Rise of the Demons
Hello, first off here's a couple of things I notice in the world will end with world . I think this should be "will end THE world" but it seems ...
Oct 5, 2011 -
Re: Happy Memories
It was raining, dark, damp, cold and raining. I know, happy memories are meant to take place in the sun. People are supposed to be climbing up a hill for ...
Oct 5, 2011 -
Re: A Cup of Blood and Kindness
First off, hello, I tend not to do grammar and the like because I don't naturally notice it and I don't really enjoy going over the piece reading it looking ...
Oct 3, 2011 -
Re: The Black Coats-1
Helen The cupboard was bare, that was the first thing I noticed. Someone had been at this safe house recently and none of the resistance had been to replace the ...
Sep 19, 2011 -
Re: Black Coats
Helen The cupboard was bare, that was the first thing I noticed. Someone had been at this safe house recently and none of the resistance had been to replace the ...
Sep 19, 2011 -
Re: Blood Price - Chapter 1
I liked it, it felt like a rollicking adventure. It was fast paced and it just threw us into the story, no long explantions or incredibly awkward lines. Only criticism ...
Sep 1, 2011 -
Re: Kava (Part One)
Hey, I'd really appreciate any comments from someone, that gives me things to work on, opinions, criticisms, praise or really anything that isn't just copying and pasting my work onto ...
Jul 30, 2011 -
Re: Kava (Part One)
Chapter One The Kava growled, its sharp teeth dripping with saliva. Jack saw the Kava’s yellow tongue flicker between its teeth. Stop looking at its mouth. Jack took his own ...
Jul 27, 2011 -
Re: The Town of Wolves chapt. one
Hello Waywardbird. First thing I have to say is that I both love and hate the first couple of paragraphs. Truthfully I think it's overwritten, but I love trying to ...
Jun 26, 2011 -
Re: Couldn't Even Dodge a Bullet? - Contest Entry
The bullet whirled I Think this is a bad word for a bit, implies a spinning motion instead of the straight forward movement of a bullet through the air at ...
Jun 21, 2011 -
Re: Anything But Normal~Chapter One, Part Two
Hello, I realized I'd read this but not reviewed it. So here goes I stole subtle things from various stores the same way I had at the first So firstly ...
Mar 14, 2011 -
Re: The Song
How do, Hope, happiness and love. What are these words? I have already forgotten them feels a bit teen emo in my opinion, All that I saw are trees and ...
Mar 14, 2011
